EFFECTS OF DATING AT YOUNG AGE

Young love is always so exciting especially when it’s new and more so when it’s your first. You get those butterflies in your stomach every time you think of your crush, your heart skips a beat when he smiles at you, and you could very well swoon when he asks you out because who knew the feeling was mutual? Relationships can be good if you are compatible with each other and if you’re both mature enough to be able to handle the emotions and commitment that come with being with someone. But what is the right age to get into a relationship? How do you know if you’re mature enough to be in one?

There’s no specific age when one is deemed old enough to start dating. It completely depends on the maturity level of the person. Some say 15 is acceptable for girls and maybe 17 for boys, since boys generally mature at a later age. Others may argue that 18 and above is more ideal. But one thing’s for sure: dating at the age of 12 or 13 is way too

young because it robs you off a stage when you should be enjoying your childhood. There are many other negative consequences to dating too early.

In modern times, the ideal marrying age has gotten later, if people choose to marry at all. As far back as 20 years ago, the age to get married for women was in her mid-twenties. Today, women are choosing to tie the knot in their mid or even late thirties because they want to see and experience the world first before being “tied down” to adult responsibilities. But one of the many consequences of people who started dating well before they were ready is settling down too young. Someone who starts dating at 11 or 12 years old has gotten a head start in relationships as compared to his or her peers. By the time they reach their late teens or early twenties, they may grow sick of dating already and choose to settle down with someone who’s just as unready as them. We all know where marrying when not ready leads to.

Below are effects of dating at a young age:

IT CAN AFFECT ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE.

Being in a relationship usually means you start spending less and less time at home with your family. Whereas you used to be holed up in your room or just hanging out in the living room, you start coming home late, just barely skirting your curfew hours and you’re out practically the whole weekend. That’s because you’re investing your time and emotions in your relationship, but doing that at a young age can have dire consequences because such investments are still beyond your maturity level. But more than anything, having a boyfriend or girlfriend when you’re too young can be a distraction. You’re too young to compartmentalize the different aspects of your life. When you’re in a relationship, you tend to neglect your priorities, especially your studies. Rather than study, you’d rather text or Skype with your significant other. And what happens when you fight? Dealing with a lovers’ quarrel can mean you don’t get to study for your big exams the next day and as a result, your grades can suffer.

EARLY AND UNSAFE NOOKIE.

Being in a relationship usually inevitably means that you will be sleeping with your partner at a certain point. But whether you do the deed early on in the relationship or at a later date, it’s still not advisable taking that big step when you’re in a relationship as an adolescent. Many young people may not realize the repercussions of being intimate at a young age. Are they aware of protection? And that having unsafe nookie can lead you down unchartered waters, such as the risk of contracting STIs and unwanted teenage pregnancies? The process of childbirth could still be too traumatizing for them to have to experience at such a young age. This is not to say all of that will happen, but at such a young age it can be quite difficult to understand the risks or repercussions until it is too late.

SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH SUBSTANCES.

When you start dating at such a young age, you usually have it in your mind that you’re cooler and more mature than the rest of your peers who aren’t dating yet. Being in a relationship becomes a status symbol of sorts and sets you above the rest. And because you think you’re so mature, you also result to experimenting on things that you’re too young to deal with or have control of. There’s having unsafe nookie because you’re ill-informed on the forms of abstinence and contraception. And there’s substance abuse, trying out different things with your partner because you’re too “cool” to say no. It’s easy to get hooked on such vices because you’re simply not old enough to be able to control your consumption of them. And if you’re not careful, it can turn into a full-on addiction.

STRAIN IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS.

Having a child who is coming of age is said to be the toughest part about being a parent. Adolescence and the early teen years are the stages when she’s confused about her maturity level. Is she a child or is she an adult? Can she make her own decisions or does she have to abide by her parents’ rules? And when that girl enters into a relationship at such a young age, it can cause friction between her and her parents. As parents, you feel your child is too young to be dating. You know her well enough to know that she’s not mature enough to make such commitments. But from the adolescent’s point of view, her parents are being irrationally strict by disapproving of her relationship. So what happens? Parents scold the child. And the child rebels, going behind her parents’ back so she can carry on with her boyfriend. This situation can certainly ruin a parent-child relationship, unless compromises are made.

DATING VIOLENCE.

Emotional maturity happens at different ages for different people. But at adolescence, it’s safe to say you’re not emotionally capable yet of handling rough situations, which is why it’s not recommended to date at that age. With dating comes great, mushy times—but with it also comes issues, no matter how small the scale. You see your boyfriend acting friendly towards another girl and you immediately get jealous, even if it didn’t mean anything. Or he hates how demanding you are, when you always insist he spends his free time with you, that he has no more time for his friends or video games. This leads to fights and even cyber-harassment. Your partner can hack into your accounts and spy on you, not to mention say lewd things about you on his or her online space. Physical fights are a very real possibility as well. And this kind of behavior can carry on until adulthood.

EMOTIONAL TRAUMA.

There’s a whole lot of truth to Sheryl Crow’s song entitled, “The First Cut Is The Deepest” and that’s coming from an adult. Because break-ups, at whatever age can be painful, but most especially the first time you experience heartbreak. And it’s almost inevitable that dating at such a young age means that it won’t really last since you’re both so young. Whether you’re the one who ends things or if you were the one who was dumped, it will still hurt. Usually the most painful reason for ending things is because of a third party. Either someone cheats or ends things because he found someone better than you. When you’re so attached to that person, a break-up can cause heartbreak so intense that it’s something you carry with you as you grow older. As a result, you suffer from emotional trauma, which can affect how you deal with situations and people as an adult.

SELF-HARM AND DARK THOUGHTS. 

The previous item talked about one effect of experiencing heartbreak as a tween is getting emotionally traumatized. Emotional trauma can lead to many kinds of behavior, the most dangerous of which is probably depression. How many times have we heard cases of people falling into depression and doing things like harming themselves or even attempting suicide? And these are adults. Young people are even more susceptible to taking their depression out in harmful ways towards themselves, simply because they feel they weren’t worthy of someone they thought loved them. What a person suffering depression needs most is a strong support system and for a teen, she needs her family and friends to help her through this rough time. Counseling with a professional would help her get through her depression as well, but it’s her loved ones that she will need the most to come out on the other side, happy and healed.